Dear Reader,
“The bond with a true dog is as lasting as the ties of this earth will ever be.” — Konrad Lorenz, zoologist and founding father of ethology, the study of animal behavior
When I started this note days ago, I wanted to discuss presence and how the vitality and richness of life come down to present-moment awareness. Since then, I have been spending every moment with my ailing, almost-16-year-old dog, Carmelita, or Carma as we most often call her. Our time together in the past weeks has involved going to bed earlier and often getting up several times a night. In fact, my bed now sits by the back door.
I have grown reacquainted with night sounds and the dark sky aglow with stars, shifting light, and passing clouds. How beautiful and still the middle of the night is.
Carma wanders the landscape, confused, sniffing shrubs as if for the first time, sometimes looking at me as if she doesn’t know who I am. I deeply appreciate this animal and the moment-to-moment grace with which she faces the end of her life.
Admittedly, I sometimes lose patience. She grows restless each evening just as I am wanting to settle down and unwind. She clicks and clacks in circles until I feel I will go mad. With great effort, I sneak her some medication, and then off to bed we go. I’m trying to be as kind and patient with her as she has always been with me. But humans are simply not as good as dogs.
I am trying to use my eyes and telepathy to communicate my undying love and admiration for her. However, humans are not as evolved in the ways of communicating love and adoration.
My grandfather Sam loved his dogs more than any human being. Each morning, the dogs and I would line up to get our spoonful of cod-liver oil. I was last in line, slurping my dose from the same spoon as the dogs. I had great hair and skin, just like a Labrador Retriever. He promised me that dogs’ mouths were antiseptic. (While dogs never lie, he fibbed about a lot of things.)
Later, he would take us all for ice cream at Friendly’s; I had to share mine with one of the dogs. Talk about a killer combination for holding us humans to the present moment—a tasty cone and a dog. All of our senses, as well as our hearts, were engaged.
Animals have a way of helping us stay in the now. They can take us outside of ourselves and our ever-overthinking minds. There is much research addressing the benefits of pets on our health and well-being. For example, this article from the National Institutes of Health mentions the big ones: they lower our stress, improve heart health, and can be great for the social-emotional learning of children (and adults!). When I observe an animal’s level of presence and attention, it helps ground me. I can learn a thing or two about mindfulness from a mature animal.
As I write this, Carma and I are on the deck. This moment with Carmelita is all I have. I don’t know how or when it will end. When I look back and dip into the well of memory, I start to cry and literally lose sight of this precious present moment—her caramel coat, gray snout, and velvet ears. In this moment, we relish the lowering afternoon sun and suspiciously watch a wasp flying in figure eights around us; I watch with more trepidation and she with more curiosity. And so I follow her example and just breathe while the wasp lands on my lunch.
I love this moment right here. This is the place of peace and gratitude. This is the place where I feel connection and kinship to Carma and all of nature. This is the moment where I am amazed at this awe-inspiring world and the depth of the relationship I have had with an animal.
In this moment, here and now, I do not lament the lack of sleep. I do not forecast the impending pain of loss. However, I do feel it when it bubbles up. Instead of shunning the emotion, I welcome it and say, “Of course you are here.” I sniff the air, share a treat of cheese, and pet this warm, soft head beside me.
The Beauty of Presence
Presence is more than just a mindfulness buzzword; it’s the practice of fully engaging with the current moment. It involves paying attention to our thoughts, feelings, and surroundings without judgment or attachment to outcomes. “Simple but not easy,” as Jon Kabat-Zinn would say. The practice of presence is a way of living, a chance to reconnect with ourselves amidst the busyness and responsibilities of life.
How Presence Helps: The Science
1. Reduces Stress and Anxiety: Focusing on the present allows us to break the cycle of worrying about the future and regretting the past. This shift helps rest our nervous system and experience a greater sense of calm and control. Research shows that a wandering mind is an unhappy mind.
2. Enhances Relationships: Being present helps us truly listen and engage with others, whether they are animal or human. :) This deepens our connections and makes our interactions more meaningful and fulfilling. Feeling seen and heard increases our sense of support, belonging, and joy.
When was the last time you felt deeply seen and heard or held that space for another?
3. Boosts Self-Awareness: Whether at midlife or nearing the end of life, we are always in transition. Presence helps us tune into our own needs and desires, allowing us to make more aligned choices and embrace our authentic selves. Presence is a journey of self-discovery that can lead to greater personal satisfaction. How are various aspects of your life going? What do you truly want? What habits and daily actions are helping or hindering you?
4. Improves Health and Well-Being: Mindfulness has been shown to lower blood pressure, improve sleep, and enhance overall health. By being present, we can better manage our physical and emotional health, which is especially important as we navigate life's changes.
5. Greater Life Satisfaction: Presence enhances feelings of awe and wonder. Ever since she was little, my daughter’s prescription for living has been, “Be amazed.” I am also reminded of my oldest friend, Eva, who stays in the present (and ever young) with the discovery and playfulness of a child.
Tips for Cultivating Presence:
1 Mindful Breathing: Take a few minutes each day to focus on your breath. This simple practice can ground you in the present moment and help calm your mind, no matter the task at hand.
Take a proper belly breath with me here.
2 Gratitude Journaling: Write down three things you’re grateful for each day. Trite but true, this practice shifts your focus to the positives in your life and encourages a mindful perspective. Noting daily what you appreciate also helps your brain look for the good in each day.
3 Swap the Digital for Other Sensory Experiences: Set aside time to unplug from technology and social media each day to reconnect with yourself and your senses in your immediate environment.
4 Mindful Moments: Incorporate short mindful moments into your daily routine. Whether it’s savoring a cup of tea or taking a walk, fully engage with the experience and observe your surroundings with fresh eyes and all of your senses engaged.
5 And My Favorite Tip, Spend Time with Animals: Pets make great companions for the mindful moments mentioned above. Their superpower, or extraordinary gift to us, is that they help ground us in presence.
Peaceful, joyful, painful—“The present moment is the only time over which we have dominion,” wrote Vietnamese monk Thich Nhat Hanh. I try to remember this wisdom, and I hope you will too.
If you would like to join us to cultivate deeper presence, self-knowledge, compassion, and greater joy, this is the last call to join the Women’s Weekend Mindfulness Retreat happening on 8/13-15. Act now. Now is where the magic happens.
With big love for you, Jess & Carme Girl